Why Does This Site Exist?

By Mike Stevens

Who Is Mike Stevens?

I’m just an idiot with an Internet connection.

Specifically, I’m a 38-year-old idiot who has lived in Phoenix, AZ my entire life.

For eight years, I worked in a “noble” profession (teaching at ASU) that paid almost as well as McDonald’s, minus the benefits and free fries. In 2008, I left ASU and pursued a career in organizing, as I wanted to have a more direct and immediate impact on the world around me. This pays almost as well as ASU, minus the days off, full nights of sleep and active social life.

I’m single by choice, childless by sheer determination, and handsome as hell by the time the bar closes.

What’s This Site About?

Between 2004-06, I ran a site of political satire and social commentary called How To Behave Like A Human Being. The site sprung from the growing rage and frustration I felt at the political choices our government—and We the People—were making. I saw an America that, due to its seemingly unstoppable addiction to techno-titillation, was growing increasingly childish, hateful, selfish and ultimately dangerous.

In short, I saw a mindless, violent America, a nation of animals easily led and more easily inspired to lunacy. As such, How To Behave Like A Human Being offered a caustic and unrelenting stream of vitriol. Vicious and profane in ways I’m still quite proud of, How To Behave served me well as a personal heatsink, allowing me to safely vent most of the toxic rage the second Bush term had inspired in me.

Much of this angst and anger still exists, but I’ve developed a bit of inner peace since 2006. I’ve come to terms with the world around me.

Okay, that’s total bullshit. The truth is, I’m just as filled with righteous rage now as I was then, if not more so. So, while Bastard In The Wry is a very different project, I think the core message of my previous site still applies. As such, this site and How To Behave share the same mission statement, which is:

“There are nearly seven billion people on this planet, most of whom are assholes (myself included). This number increases greatly if you add lawyers and politicians into the mix. Still, not everyone is an asshole. But those who aren’t assholes are asswipes.

“And regardless of which one you happen to be, you’re still just for shit.

“What you won’t find, however, amongst those seven billion people is a human being. A ‘human being’ doesn’t exist as it’s little more than an ideal, a story we tell so we can feel better about our selfishness, our malice, our history of genocide, oppression and violence. A human being is the adult’s version of Santa Claus. We celebrate the myth because it gives us something to shoot for.

“That is why this site exists. Because, though none of us will ever earn the title, we can aspire to something better. We can’t live as human beings; we have to be assholes and asswipes to survive. Still, there are moments in our lives that provide us the opportunity, if only for a brief time, to behave like a human being.

“For a brief moment, to be better. And afterwards, we can all go back to kicking kittens.

“This is the basic philosophy driving everything published on this site.”